Thank you @lindsaybraman for this great illustration.
People who have experienced childhood trauma will likely develop disorganised attachment. This is the attachment style of unresolved trauma. Patterns typical of this style are perceiving abandonment or rejection in a relationship and so ending a relationship in order to abandon/ reject their partner before they can reject them.
In the case of disorganized attachment, forming intimate attachments to others can seem like an insurmountable task because any new intimate relationship formed takes a tremendous and continuous act of trust put forth onto his or her potential partner, from which consistency and reassurance are needed an awful lot of the time.
People who get attached in a disorganized way oscillate from two biological drives whenever the opportunity to attach comes about in life: the need to belong (to love and connect with others) and the need to survive (to protect oneself). Later, particularly in romantic relationships, people with this style of attachment often feel fear and anxiety when forming intimate relationships and suffer from a negative self-image and extremely damaging self-talk. They often feel intense loneliness because of an earnest want for genuine connection, but they can feel stressed and this can make the person on the receiving end respond to them differently to how they would have wanted.
But there is hope: with attachment focused EMDR and strong relationships with therapists, partners, family members and friends, people with disorganised attachments can develop a secure attachment style. This does happen for many people 😌🤞🏼
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