In a subconscious hell. Let’s take a step back. Yesterday I boasted on how well I was doing and it’s true, I’m doing so so so much better than I was. Being able to drive and walk around the city without wanting to die is amazing but.. let’s talk about sleep.
1. It’s very hard to fall asleep. I involuntarily go over the last year of my marriage in so many ways every night.
2. I dream of her as soon as my head hits the pillow (every single night) and it’s never a happy dream. I’m sure I will have to deal with this in therapy or maybe I can do hypnosis. Idk.
What I do know is Xanax kept me numb for years and unable to deal with or process life. The loss of my child, the death of my best friend. I was just existing without mourning or truly acknowledging anything.
Now that Xanax is almost 40 days out of my system, I can’t go a few hours without having my heart being re-broken. It’s going on 17 months and it feels like yesterday.
I have no idea what to do.
She left in a way someone abandons a dog. Like I was tied up to a pole as she walked away and now I’m just broken and confused. 🤦🏻♂️ Sry. End rant. #bigpharma #detox #putdownthepills #mmjp #anxietyrecovery #anxietysupport #ptsdrecovery #deppresion #hemp #panicattacks #mentalhealthwarrior #anxietyproblems #benzowithdrawal #suicide #cbdoil #cbd #mentalhealth #benzowithdrawal #bigpharmakills #medicalmarijuanapatients #staythecourse #mentalhealth #askforhelp #yougotthis #bigpharma #detox #putdownthepills #anxietysupport #ptsdrecovery #stevie👁wonder #nosleep
#bigpharma #detox #putdownthepills #mmjp #anxietyrecovery #anxietysupport #ptsdrecovery #deppresion #hemp #panicattacks #mentalhealthwarrior #anxietyproblems #benzowithdrawal #suicide #cbdoil #cbd #mentalhealth #benzowithdrawal #bigpharmakills #medicalmarijuanapatients #staythecourse #mentalhealth #askforhelp #yougotthis #bigpharma #detox #putdownthepills #anxietysupport #ptsdrecovery #stevie #nosleep
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