I’ve recently decided to use social media as a platform for transparency and vulnerability in order to build connections and to stop wasting this virtual space I’m privileged to use daily. Only posting the happy highlights serves no purpose. So I’m going to share my life currently as it is and here goes nothing.. I knew I’d be stepping into this new year as a single mother. Felt it coming in my bones. It’s been a long time coming and I was prepared in a way. What I wasn’t prepared for was stepping into 2019 as a single AND pregnant mother.. I am s c a r e d shitless. Lost. Sad. Broken. Riddled with anxiety and depression lately. But at the same time I feel FIERCE. Standing in my truth, Knowledge and Power has me feeling unstoppable and optimistic for the first time in years. Knowing I will use the pain and trauma to help other mothers someday motivates me to push through this even harder. That may sound silly to some but I’m a healer. Helping others brings me the most joy...that being said - i know this new chapter has to involve self love above all else. It’s time to heal myself and work harder than ever to heal what I’ve allowed to be broken in my daughters spirit by staying in a toxic marriage. Simply admitting that is heart wrenching and makes me feel like the most worthless mother to know I’ve failed my baby - but I know I am not alone in this. I’m sharing my experience to build connection and gain / give support to others who were / are in the same type of situation.. I stayed in an incredibly unhealthy relationship for years and by “staying together for the kids” it hurt everyone involved in various ways. And I’d be lying if I said it was solely for Bella’s happiness. Codependency is a bitch. Dependent on the dysfunction because it’s the only way I knew how to live from the time I was a child until now.. I had to break that cycle for my daughters sake, both my daughters sake. I can’t raise strong women if I can’t be one myself. Walking away is not me “breaking up my family” it is me taking a stand and showing strength I didn’t know I had. And despite all the fear of the unknown and awful feelings I’ve experienced lately, I have hope again. Continued🔻
#
|
